Monday, July 28, 2008

Randomness III

I have a new candidate for "Lamest Product Ever". If nothing else, we really ought to give it a "Lamest Ad Campaign Ever" star. You may have seen the commercial on TV. Here it is:

So here's the deal, you fill up one of these incredibly ugly glass balls with water, invert it, stick it in the dirt next to your wilted, dying plant, and voila!, you have a wilted, dying plant with an incredibly ugly water-filled glass ball next to it. Is there anyone out there who thinks that this is attractive?

"Yes, I want to have plants in my house. No, I'm too much of a moron to water them periodically and they die and look ugly. I'll put one of these inverted bovine ball-sack-shaped things in the pot with my plant. It'll be uglier than it would be if it actually died, but at least I won't have to worry about it any more."

Why don't you just get plastic plants?

If a person can't remember to water their plants once a week or so, how are they going to remember to refill these glass balls? It appears to me that yellow and brown leaves are much more attention-getting than the fact that this thing is out of water.

On to esthetics:

Apparently, "Houseplants" doesn't include "Exotic Plants", "Small or Large Plants", or "Hanging Plants". Do I really want to go out and spend a fortune on my orchid and then stick one of these hideous things in the pot? Why don't I just get a little miniature garden gnome or one of those wooden cutouts of a lady bending over so her bloomers show? And as an added bonus, this product is not available in stores!

The TV ad has the standard boy-are-we-good-to-you line where they offer you two Aqua Globes for only $14.99 (plus shipping and handling), but with this special TV offer, they'll send you two more. Note that in the first picture above, the special TV offer has become a Special Internet Offer.

"Wow, two pieces of glass are only $7.50 each (plus postage and handling), that means that four pieces of glass are only $3.75 each. What a deal!! What was that phone number again?"

But to me, here's the real kicker of the ad. This is what's going to finally make up your mind to shell out your hard-earned bucks for this incredible product. They actually go so far as to point out this special "bonus" in the summary at the end of the commercial:

That's right, folks. These thing come in boxes. They call them "gift boxes" in the ads, but you can see them. They're boxes.

How would you feel if you received one of these as a gift? Especially if you know that somebody shelled out $3.75 for it? Heck, J-Money was a bit miffed that somebody spent 26 bucks on her. At least she didn't get a $3.75 houseplant uglifier.

Give me a robotic singing bass any day.


lacochran said...

They're hideous and yet I can't look away. I must have them!

Gilahi said...

They do sort of look like some alien presence sprouting from the vermiculite, don't they?

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

dang it - I just ordered these for you last night -

I agree with you - however I am the victim of informercial buying...........

Gilahi said...

Zipcode - It does occur to me that one could fill one of these things with Tom Collins, lie back on the couch, and pop it into one's mouth. None of that exhausting elbow-bending like using an ordinary glass. If it provides just enough water for your plants, it ought to be able to provide just enough gin to keep you buzzed.

Phil said...

Thank goodness for the Aqua Globe!

Now if I can just hire someone to fill up the Aqua Globes when they run out of water.

Gilahi said...

Phil - That may be the next billion-dollar idea. Come up with some gadget that hooks directly into your home water supply that automatically refills your Aqua Globes as they get low.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

They're better than the stupid bird that whistles when the soil is too dry.

Gilahi said...

That's it! You need both an Aqua Globe and one of those bird whistles. When the bird whistles, it's time to refill the Aqua Globe. Now we just need something to remind us to change the batteries in the bird whistle.

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