More People Who Are Unclear On The Concept

All right class, we've discussed the people who don't quite seem to understand that "eight" does not sound like "a" when used on a vanity plate, and that therefore such plates as "L8DBACK" make no sense whatsoever.

We've discussed at length the fact that R.E.M. was "losing" their religion, not "loosing" it.

I believe we may completely understand how idiotic it is for TBS to show a movie with subtitles and then run advertisements for next week's shows over the top of them during the entire two hours.

We know that it's rude to talk in theaters. We don't like Madras or flip-flops in public. Rude people on the Metro will be the first ones up against the wall when revolution comes.

All well and good. But folks, you have got to start applying some of these principles on your own. We simply cannot point every single idiocy that ever occurs.

Today I'm talking about car ribbons. You know, those little magnetic ribbons that used to always be yellow and supposedly supported our troops (although I was never quite sure how... it seems to me that if the store is going to sell it for $1.29 and send 75 cents to the troops, then it would have been better just to send the $1.29 to the troops, but I digress as I so often do. Why just the other day I was digressing about prime pair numbers and... oh... sorry).

Soon everyone jumped on the bandwagon. You could get pink ribbons for breast cancer, black ribbons for MIA, red ribbons for AIDS, heck, I can't even remember them all, but there was one for every cause in a whole rainbow of colors. While I, for one, can hardly wait for the fad to be over, I can at least appreciate the one thing all these ribbons had in common: They supported a cause that vehicle's owner felt was worthwhile (with the possible exception of the multicolored one I saw once that said "Some asshole stole my support ribbon").

Today, however, on the back of a large SUV with DV (disabled veteran) plates, I saw something that made both my wife and I laugh out loud:

Now, in case you can't read that, it says "I (heart) My Rat Terrier", and there's a photo of a rat terrier at the top (the one we saw was for a Jack Russell, so it's even worse than you might have thought, apparently they're available for multiple breeds).

Apparently, it's the shape itself that is now the attraction. Doesn't matter what it's for. Doesn't have to support or commemorate anything. Not necessarily for a good cause. None of your $1.29 went to any charity. Can't have rectangular or oval magnets any more, it's the ribbon that's the real draw.

How many ways is this stupid? A lot, that's how many. First of all, the whole "ribbon" concept, as in "Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Old Oak Tree" is supposed to be an indication that we want someone to come home, right? It's been stretched a little to indicate that we'd like to see someone recover from something, or perhaps find a cure for something, but that's not that big of a stretch.

Second, isn't it cutesy and nauseating enough that people actually have bumper stickers and whatnot that say "I (heart) my this-and that"? What they need is a bumper sticker promoting sterilization that says "I (spade) my cat".

What in the hell does "I (heart) my little yippy rat dog" have to do with the ribbon shape??

This would be like having a Harley-Davidson logo with the text "Imagine Whirled Peas" under it. Complete non sequitur. You know, your basic NRA logo with the letters "WWJD" under it (actually, I sorta like that one).

God, I hope this doesn't catch on. The whole ribbon thing was just sort of starting to die down.