Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Gilahi's Gift Guide 2008 - Part 2

Hello! And welcome back to the next installment of Gilahi's Gift Guide 2008.

If you're just tuning in, these are gifts for the upcoming holiday season consisting of 1) things you had forgotten about, 2) things you remember but didn't think were still available, and 3) pretty cool things. Remember, these are all things that you can purchase right now, in 2008. None of these things are out of production.

Let's start today with a handy stocking stuffer that everyone will enjoy.



You remember these, don't you? All the taste and pleasure of licking wallpaper paste right off the wall, but in a convenient, easy-to-carry form. No more having to stay home just for the pleasure of coating the inside of your mouth as if you've been drinking gravy. Have fun trying to identify the flavors of these little disks, since the colors (not found in nature) offer no clue whatsoever.

"I think this is maple."
"Like maple syrup?"
"No, like maple bark."

Here's an oldie I'm sure you'll all remember:



Get it? It's "ping pong" backwards! Press the little lever to send your colored balls to the other side. The first person to get all the balls to the other side wins! This provides minutes and minutes of fun until you realize that none of these balls ever, ever, ever makes it through to the other side, at which point the game will go on your shelf until your next contribution to the Salvation Army.

Since I was a male-type kid, I of course had a set of these:



Really, really great pictures on the box these came in. I couldn't wait to open it up and assemble that castle that was pictured on the front.

Give your child an introduction to "Marketing 101" when they open up the box and find that there are only about 8 pieces of wood in there, and 2 of them are so warped that there's no way they're useful for building anything. The only way you can assemble something that looks like that picture on the box is to by 15 sets.

Remember Lamb Chop?



That's OK. Neither will the kid you give it to.

And not that I'm dropping hints or anything, but I stumbled across this:



Let's analyze parts of this description, shall we?

Handcrafted in Vermont with patchouli : "People will avoid you."
...so that you can maintain your groove. : "People will point at you and laugh."
...benefits for aging and wrinkling skin... : "You may as well admit it, you are truly pitiful."
...ready to face a new dawn. : "Of the (nearly) dead."

On second thought, don't get me this stuff. I suspect that I'm more a candidate for this:



I gotta say, I just love that one line in the pitch, above: If you're too pressed for time to take a bath, take a footbath.

You may smell like a mule, but your feet won't.

Still more GREAT gift ideas coming soon!

8 comments:

Herb of DC said...

Aren't patchouli, eucalyptus and vetiver also Necco wafer flavors?

That's what Lincoln Logs look like? My parent gave me a bunch of Popsicle sticks and twigs and said they were "Lincoln Logs." Cheapskates!!! Apparently this series is going to be very painful for me.

Bilbo said...

Ah, what a trip down memory lane! Necco Wafers were the Soylent Green of my generation...or, at least, that's what they tasted like. And where can I order a few dozen bottles of that Tired Old Ass Soak? Great stuff...keep it coming!

Gilahi said...

herb - Yes, along with pine tar and feldspar. Sorry this is so painful for you. Nothing a Tired Old Ass soak wouldn't cure, though.

bilbo - Got a couple more in the pipeline. Glad you're enjoying them!

Mike said...

Lincoln logs an American bricks. Two childhood staples.

Gilahi said...

Yeah, I ate may share of those, too. Oh wait, was that not what you meant by "staples"?

brian said...

I feel like I'm being forcibly ejected down memory lane. So many of these things were in my house. But what really made me shudder were the Necco wafers.

Eating chalk was more appetizing... and probably more nutritious.

fiona said...

Keep them coming. They are all going on my List this year. While your at it could ya tell Santa I've been good this year?

Gilahi said...

brian - Isn't it amazing? I had no idea that some of these things were still around. Yeah, if I was stranded on a desert island with a case of Necco wafers, I'd just gnaw off my own foot.

fiona - I'd love to be at your house on Christmas when some of these things are opened. You want me to lie to Santa? Isn't that some sort of mortal sin?

 
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