Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Remember Me?

Part of what I do for a living is to troubleshoot issues that people have. I work for a very large company with a lot of customers and, subsequently, a lot of problems or perceived problems to be addressed. I don't actually talk to customers directly. I talk to the people who talk to the customers, so we're all on the same team.

Inevitably, I get the occasional call or e-mail from someone who says, "Do you remember that problem we discussed 6 months ago?"

Yes, Bob. Yes I do. You are the only person I've spoken with for the past 6 months and yours is the only problem I've dealt with. I've been sitting here ever since waiting for the phone to ring. The company has been paying me an obscenely large amount of money to be available on the off-chance you might need my help again. Since the last time we talked, I've cleared all the tiles from all 10 configurations of my version of mahjongg, I've played every single word in the hangman dictionary, I've watched every Crosby, Stills & Nash video on YouTube, I've texted all of "War and Peace" from my cell phone to e-mail, I was just finishing up the last of the 32,000 variations FreeCell, including the "unwinnable" one which filled a couple of days hacking the code so that I could cheat it, my beard has grown a foot and a half, and I ain't seen the sunshine since I don't know when. Now that you've called back, I can see my family again, publish my proof that the resolution of Fermat's Last Theorem is incorrect, contact the WHO with my foolproof plan to feed the world for $1.27, get that funny thing removed, and retire with full benefits.

Thank God you called.

SAQ: Somewhere over the rainbow, maybe.

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