Monday, October 27, 2008

Why I've Changed My Mind About Visiting New Zealand

I've often thought about visiting New Zealand. Small country, beautiful scenery, very different attitudes about life, and they speak English! What a terrific combination!

However after a recent visit to Total Wine on Saturday, I may have completely changed my mind. I'm not at all sure what those folks eat down there, but I'd assumed that there would be a lot of lamb and seafood involved. Apparently, however, the economic bust has affected them pretty deeply. Witness the wine they're making there:



Can you see that label? Here's a closeup of the "Americanized" version of it:



That's right. The folks in NZ are actually marketing a sauvignon blanc named "Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush". The back label extols the virtue of this wine by saying that it has an overwhelming taste of gooseberries "with just a hint of cat".

It's true that in wine circles, the flavor of sauvignon blanc is often likened to gooseberries which, by the way, tend toward the sour and acidic and aren't very popular. Some reviewers even mention "cat urine" when describing the flavors of certain sauvignon blancs. This raises the obvious question on which I'd prefer not to speculate here. Still, I have to believe that only in New Zealand would these features of a wine be considered selling points.

I'm sure the good folks in New Zealand are laughing their collective Kiwi arses off at the idea that Americans are not willing to have the word "pee" on some consumable product, but they are willing to turn it into a nonsense word and then pay $8.00/bottle for it.

I fear that this may lead to even more outrageous schemes on the part of the good folks in NZ to foist off stuff that most people would be repulsed by. I'm waiting to find "Sheepdog Turd from a Golf Course Sand Trap" packed up in a box somewhere for $12.95 (although I suppose the American version would be "Thurd"). I'm sure it will take the country by storm.

So if the New Zealanders are clever enough to pack up pet waste products, ship them across the Pacific, and make a profit on them, I shudder to think about what they might feed me in a restaurant down there when they realize I'm from this country.

Stupid American. Serve him the "Dust Bunnies from Under the Toilet Tank" and tell him it's a local delicacy. You should be able to get $29.95 for it easily.

Tell him he gets a free glass of Cat's Pee with it.

22 comments:

Cyndy said...

We visited New Zealand about 15 years ago and had a fabulous time, in spite of the food. It's a gorgeous country.

Gilahi said...

cyndy - Just so there's no mistake here, this post was 100% intended to be humorous. I have in fact enjoyed many New Zealand wines and would dearly love to visit both NZ and Australia at some point in my life before I die.

Still... Cat's Pee?

fiona said...

I enjoy a nice Fat Bastard (Cabernet Sauvignon) now and then. ;)
But Pee?? cats pee? not so much

Gilahi said...

fiona - Have you ever tried? How do you know?

Kate said...

Have you ever had a cat? The aroma of cat pee is so very strong, that you can absolutely taste it in your mouth.

Gilahi said...

Kate - I've had a cat. I've smelled cat pee. Would you use that as a selling point for your wine?

fiona said...

Maybe some people like a hint of pee
did you think about THAT? lol
I'm going to but a bottle, I will report back on my findings.

Gilahi said...

fiona - I have to admit, I didn't think about that. And I'd prefer not to. I look forward to your report.

Bilbo said...

Once you've enjoyed a nice glass of Cat Pee wine, you can wash down your dessert with a cup of that gazillion-dollar-a-cup coffee that's made from coffee beans picked out of the excrement of some wild ocelot or something.

Mike said...

@fiona - your going to 'what' a bottle? Some typos are worse than others. Especially depending on the subject matter.

fiona said...

LMFAO @mike
Maybe a typo,maybe not!
As I said I'll report back :-)

Gilahi said...

bilbo - Is that from New Zealand too? I had no idea.

mike - Didn't even catch that. Good eye.

fiona - I think you may have left off a "t".

LivitLuvit said...

I'm all for the new funky labels they're coming out with- like Fat Bastard- but um, yeah... cat urine? Not doing it for me. And I drink a LOT of crappy (cheap) wine.

Gilahi said...

I have to admit that the $8 price tag made the whole cat urine thing seem a bit more palatable.

Herb of DC said...

I posted a comment on this yesterday and got an eror message and didn't have time to try to repost it (I'm so busy).

It was a really good one too involving Fisher-Paykel appliances and cat pee.

Gilahi said...

Herb - Dang. I might have gotten credit for that in The Express.

Mike said...

The secret link location to Rimas meme is on Fiona blog in todays comments.

Cyndy said...

Hey Gilahi - Sorry I didn't mean to come across sounding so serious! Those New Zealanders do have a sense of humor in the wine naming department, among other things. I've enjoyed drinking many a Fat Bastard because my brother is quite fond of bringing bottles of it to family dinners for my mother's benefit, it seems.

Gilahi said...

mike - Found it. 'nuff said.

cyndy - Hey! No reason to apologize. Some people just seem to think I'm a bit deformed rather than noticing that I usually have my tongue planted firmly in my cheek.

fiona said...

I cannot locate "the peepee" wine anywhere. Stocked up on Fat Bastards though :-)

Gilahi said...

fiona - Well, I suppose urine good company. (aHA!) Too bad, I was looking forward to a full description.

Melissa B. said...

Dear Superior Scribbler: Sorry for the "canned" and unrelated nature of this post, but I wanted to get to as many of you tonite as possible. One of the things that we at Scholastic Scribe are most proud of is the Silly Sunday Sweepstakes. Several of you are already familiar with the arbitrary and quite inane weekly attempt at humor...for you, and for those of you who have not yet played Sx3, I urge you to drop by Sunday to see what's up. Oh, and congrats on being named a SS. You earned it!

 
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