I've often thought about visiting New Zealand. Small country, beautiful scenery, very different attitudes about life, and they speak English! What a terrific combination!
However after a recent visit to Total Wine on Saturday, I may have completely changed my mind. I'm not at all sure what those folks eat down there, but I'd assumed that there would be a lot of lamb and seafood involved. Apparently, however, the economic bust has affected them pretty deeply. Witness the wine they're making there:
Can you see that label? Here's a closeup of the "Americanized" version of it:
That's right. The folks in NZ are actually marketing a sauvignon blanc named "Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush". The back label extols the virtue of this wine by saying that it has an overwhelming taste of gooseberries "with just a hint of cat".
It's true that in wine circles, the flavor of sauvignon blanc is often likened to gooseberries which, by the way, tend toward the sour and acidic and aren't very popular. Some reviewers even mention "cat urine" when describing the flavors of certain sauvignon blancs. This raises the obvious question on which I'd prefer not to speculate here. Still, I have to believe that only in New Zealand would these features of a wine be considered selling points.
I'm sure the good folks in New Zealand are laughing their collective Kiwi arses off at the idea that Americans are not willing to have the word "pee" on some consumable product, but they are willing to turn it into a nonsense word and then pay $8.00/bottle for it.
I fear that this may lead to even more outrageous schemes on the part of the good folks in NZ to foist off stuff that most people would be repulsed by. I'm waiting to find "Sheepdog Turd from a Golf Course Sand Trap" packed up in a box somewhere for $12.95 (although I suppose the American version would be "Thurd"). I'm sure it will take the country by storm.
So if the New Zealanders are clever enough to pack up pet waste products, ship them across the Pacific, and make a profit on them, I shudder to think about what they might feed me in a restaurant down there when they realize I'm from this country.
Stupid American. Serve him the "Dust Bunnies from Under the Toilet Tank" and tell him it's a local delicacy. You should be able to get $29.95 for it easily.
Tell him he gets a free glass of Cat's Pee with it.
