Monday, January 5, 2009

The Meming of Life

It appears that she had some reason to believe that I wouldn't find it, but Photocynthesis tagged me for what is possibly the longest meme of all time. Apparently, I'm supposed to wonder "what the hell", so here we go:

Nah, I'm not really upset, I just liked the picture.

The thing about this particular meme is, there don't seem to be any rules or instructions, I'm just supposed to list a whole bunch of stuff about myself that nobody really cares about. Not even me. Still, in the spirit of good sportsmanship and just to show Ms. Cyndy that she'll have to hide better than that if she really wants people not to find stuff, I'm off.

All About Me
10 Years Ago:
I had several of my body parts replaced with Hefty Cinch Sacks full of Jell-O Pudding. When everybody started doing Bill Cosby imitations every time I came into a room, I decided to have all of my original body parts reattached. I still have my extra head, though. You never know when you're gonna need something.

8 Years Ago:
In a burst of mid-life crisis, I decided that I would no longer obey the laws of gravity or evolution, and for a time became a flying monkey. I soon found that the only occupation available to me was as an extra in "The Wizard of Oz", but being paid scale for performing in a movie that was completed 62 years earlier wasn't enough for me to survive on, so I cleaned up my act, moved to Virginia, and started my new position with my company. Oh, and I got married. I can still fly, too.

6 Years Ago:
The apocalyptic nightmare hit and the entire planet was destroyed in a series of fiery explosions that ended all life on earth just before the kind beings from Nepton-6 took compassion and replaced everything with exact cybertronic duplicates. What, you don't remember that? Oh. Never mind. Just go on about your business as if I hadn't said anything.

4 Years Ago:
Just in case you think everything I've recounted up to this point is unbelievable, in 2005 George W. Bush was inaugurated for the second time.

2 Years Ago:
My hair was darker, I weighed less, I was on track for early retirement, and my idea for an animated movie detailing the life of Sir E. Farquhar Buzzard with Gilbert Gottfried providing the voice of the title character still hadn't caught on. On a side note, I believe this is the second time that I've gotten to work the name E. Farquhar Buzzard into this blog.

5 Yummy Things:
1. Tabasco Sauce
2. Breyer's Heavenly Hash Ice Cream

3. Tyra Banks
4. Egg Nog
5. Black pepper

5 Songs I Know By Heart:
1. "Happy Birthday" (if I know your name)
2. "Wipeout"
3. The Alphabet Song (sung to the tune of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star")
4. "Tequila"
5. Beethoven's 9th Symphony

5 Places I Would Like To Escape To:
1. Petticoat Junction
2. Maggie's Farm
3. Up Around The Bend
4. Junior's Farm
5. Stone Soul Picnic

5 Things I Would Never Wear:
1. Asphalt
2. Uranium-238
3. Phlegm
4. Carbon paper
5. Crocs

5 Favorite TV Shows:
1. "The Dick Van Dyke Show"
2. Scrambled porn
3. Test pattern
4. Commercials
5. Closing credits

5 Things I Enjoy Doing:
1. ___ (this blog does not contain adult content)
2. ___ (this blog does not contain adult content)
3. ___ (this blog does not contain adult content)
4. ___ (this blog does not contain adult content)
5. Scratching

5 Favorite Toys:
1. Clumps of dirt
2. Sticks
3. Aluminum Foil
4. Dry Cleaner bags
5. Shoe boxes

5 People Who I Am Tagging To Fill This Out:
1. E. Farquhar Buzzard
2. Attila the Hun
3. Tyra Banks
4. Groucho Marx
5. That guy who's always asking for a quarter outside the Subway at lunchtime


lacochran said...

Flying monkey? I knew there was something I liked about you.

Lemmonex said...

Isn't Heavenly Hash just Rocky Road? Hmmm.

Herb of DC said...

Ok, so that means I DO have to fill this out, right?

Gilahi said...

la - Thus the other important events of that year, no doubt.

Lem - I just loooked it up. Looks like it.Maybe they can charge more with the clever name? Breyers has a Rocky Road as well, and it appears that the only difference is chocolate-covered almonds.

Herb - I suspected that was you outside the Subway. Please don't take that whole middle-finger, name-calling thing personally.

Mike said...

Finally, somebody responded to a meme with all the respect they deserve.

Gilahi said...

Mike - So obviously you didn't recognize your tag in the list, huh?

Seriously, most people who read my blog don't know me and I can't imagine that they're interested in all this personal stuff. I can barely remember what I was doing last week, much less 10 years ago.

GreenCanary said...

No no! Heavenly Hash is NOT Rocky Road! Although I must grudgingly admit that they have the exact same ingredients... And also taste similar. But still... they're different! I swear. Sort of.

fiona said...

Am I "E. Farquhar Buzzard"?
Just asking...

Cyndy said...

Ha Ha Ha!!! That was awesome! Seriously, I was trying to be a good sport with my second (and hopefully last) meme ever. I was out of people who either owed me or wouldn't mind so I thought I'd just stick some random name up there. And I chose you because if you didn't find out there'd be no harm done, and if you did happen stumble upon it and actually respond, it would probably be hilarious - and it was! Thanks!

Gilahi said...

Canary - Perhaps it's simply a matter of proportions? I seem to recall that there was more marshmallow in the Heavenly Hash. For a full sugar overload, it should be topped with Smucker's Strawberry Ice Cream Topping. I was once unconscious for a week after eating two bowlfuls of this combination.

fiona - I think you have this year's Halloween costume all picked out at this point.

Cyndy - Glad you liked it. I was hoping that I didn't offend by not taking it too seriously.

Katherine said...

Re: 5 Things I Would Never Wear:
1. Asphalt
2. Uranium-238
3. Phlegm
4. Carbon paper
5. Crocs

Why does everybody hate on Crocs? As a person with foot problems, I can safely say they are like God bestowing podiatry bliss. *Sigh.*

Gilahi said...

Katherine - I can assure you that no one would call me a fashion maven. I added Crocs to this list because they seem to be such an object of scorn in much of the blogging community that I was shamelessly trying to fit in. Personally, I really don't care what someone wears on their feet.

charlotteharris said...

aagh heavenly hash, why did i choose to read your blog at the exact moment my belly was craving a delectable snack?!

Eudea-Mamia said...

Have you heard back from Tyra yet?

I'm dying to know the 5 things she would never wear, because I've seen every episode of "America's Next Top Model," and I just don't think there is anything that woman cannot pull off.

And yum, Heavenly Hash. Does BlueBell make a version? That monopoly makes it impossible for Breyer's to survive in my slice of Texas. Darnit.

Gilahi said...

CharlotteHarris - Is there ever a time when your belly is not craving a delectable snack? If so, what's that like?

Eudea-Mamia - Tyra has a team of 47 assistants working on the meme, but they seem to be having trouble finding a 4th and 5th song that she knows all the words to. And please try to avoid using the phrase "anything that woman cannot pull off" in reference to Tyra Banks, because it tends to make my brain explode. Sorry, I don't know from BlueBell. What's amazing to me is that out of all the things I mentioned above, Breyers Heavenly Hash is the subject of the most discussion.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

4 Years Ago:
Just in case you think everything I've recounted up to this point is unbelievable, in 2005 George W. Bush was inaugurated for the second time.

Good Lord! Was it only four years ago?

As for Heavenly Hash, I confess: I am woefully uninitiated in the glories of this frozen delicacy. Apparently there are still ways and means to lose one's virginity? I have made a note-to-self to pick some of this up and see what it is you and Charlotte Harris and Green Canary and et al. are raving about. Not because it's good for me, of course, but because I want to be one of the cool kids. I'm shallow like that.

Gilahi said...

j.m. - Seems like forever, doesn't it? If time flies when you're having fun, I guess the opposite must be true as well.

I'm not sure I've seen Heavenly Hash in a while, but if you can find it, let me know. Funny, when I met you I was sure you were one of the cool kids.

j.m. tewkesbury said...

G: I'm very good at just seeming really cool. Mostly I'm just a dweeb.

Gilahi said...

j.m. - Ain't we all? It's brave of you to admit it.

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